Fool's Paradise is Gold!

Writing after a very long time but its still gonna be pretty much the same thing.I have come to believe what I have as my title over the past few days.Now fools paradise is a place where every dream comes true.Its ephemeral alright but till the time it actually does last it makes one very happy.When the image breaks though,it can be very painful.But thats the catch.When you have kind of discovered that you are living in fools paradise and that it will shatter sometime in the near future, you somehow prepare yourself for it.And you hope that you can handle it well.

I have recently been thinking about this image of an ideal world.Utopia if you may.Now this world might be a different one in everyone's eyes but there are some things which would be a part of everyone's definition.But when one is selfish and looks at this from his own perspective,you somehow want things that you know can't happen to take place.

This is where Fools Paradise and this "Ideal" world meet.And its not a good place to be stuck in...

There is no such thing as 'Perfect'

Yeah I know everyone already knows that.But how many of us actually believe it?I am not sure if it happens with everyone,and I am very happy for people it doesnt happen to.But I have always been a dream chaser.I have always chased dreams which seem to me like they will take my life closer to 'perfection'.And thats where I suffer.Because eventually how hard I try and go after it,it keeps slipping away.

I saw a movie today which was amazing in my eyes.Had been putting off seeing this for a long time but finally did see it today.It is called 'The Butterfly Effect' starring Ashton Kutcher and Amy Smart.The realization finally struck me after seeing the movie.For those who have not seen it here is Wikipedia's assessment of the story-

Evan Treborn, who suffered severe traumas as a boy and a teenager , blacks out frequently, often at moments of high stress. While in his dorm room reading one of his journals to a girl, he finds that when he reads from his adolescent journals, he travels back in time, and is able to essentially "redo" parts of his past, thereby causing the blackouts he experienced as a child. There are consequences to his choices, however, that he then propagates back to the present: his alternate futures vary from frat boy to prisoner to amputee. His efforts are driven by the desire to undo the most traumatic events of his childhood which coincide with his blackouts, including saving his childhood sweetheart Kayleigh, from being molested by her father and tormented by her sociopath brother .

The actions he takes, and those he enables others to take during his blackouts, change the timeline in the new future wherein he awakes. As he continues to do this, he realizes that even though his intentions are good, the actions he takes have unintended consequences. Moreover, the assimilation of dozens of years' worth of new memories from the alternate timelines causes him brain damage. Ultimately he decides that his attempts to alter the past end up only harming those he cares about. He travels back in time once more to the first day he met Kayleigh and scares her away. He succeeds in undoing his childhood as he knew it, and then destroys all his journals so that he's not tempted to bring any of it back.

The film ends eight years in the future with Evan leaving an office building and passing Kayleigh on the street. After a moment's hesitation, he lets her pass by without noticing him.

Critics have not been too kind to the film but the overall rating on IMDB is 7.8.Anyway that really isnt very important.Whats important is that realization struck.That I have been going about it all wrong.But an extended thought has consumed me since yesterday.Am I willing to change?The signs dont really look that healthy to be very honest.It is a scary place to be in,but I will try to be strong and ride it out.As I write this post,honestly I dont think there has been any difference in me from yesterday but hopefully there will be.Hopefully.

Another composition..

Can not say how I have come up with this one so soon after the first one.But here it goes nonetheless-

What have I always wanted?

I have never been too sure

This is a strange disease

That really has no cure

How does one become happy?

Is there a magic potion?

If your answer is yes

I am ready to pay a fortune

Is my definition of happiness

Really that strange?

It sometimes seems to me like

I'm walking through a maze

People ask me to change

And start 'thinking' less

Maybe that is the cause

Of all my life's mess

I have always cared for people

And expected the same back

But maybe they are not the same

Is a thought that I lack

I have hardly heard songs

That summarize my life well

And I am still to realize

Why all these thoughts still dwell

I sometimes think I should

Change my thinking process

But I also know my heart

Does not want a recess

How are these compositions

Coming out from the blue?

Or is it that this all

Is happening on a cue?

I am not sure as I end this

About what blew my fuse

After all doesn't every artist

Always need a muse?

My 50th post-A first time composition...

Strange what some situations make you do. Never thought I could write rhymes but here I am trying. It might not be good but it is honest. And that is important.

Here goes-

I want to write a song

About how I feel today

Its not a common feeling

That one gets everyday

I met a girl in college

She was perfect for me

I started talking to her

And my heart was full of glee

We talked for long hours

We talked into the night

We talked about everything

That God built in his might

She told me about her past

And how it made her cry

I could see myself a reason

For her happiness to reach the sky

She told me she was happy

And that I could be relieved

I don't know why but I thought

That she was lying through her teeth

She said she couldn't love me

And I couldn't see her gone

So I told her I would wait

Till she was ready to move on

But being who I am

I could not hold on

And before you could snap

There; She was gone

I didn't cry myself a river

And told myself I would be strong

But before long I realized

I want her in my song

When this realization struck

I wanted to tell her how I felt

Seeing my feelings, I thought

Maybe she would melt

Alas heard that she will be engaged

Do not know whether to be sad or happy

I don't know what this feeling is

But it makes me feel crappy

And as I end I will say

This was my story in a song

When will these twists of fate end?

Second time this has happened, All wrong....

Just overcame my writer's block

A strange thing happened today.In the last few days,I had no motivation to blog. Hence its been 20 days since I last wrote. But today something happened that made me wanna come back and write. I do not know if this is gonna be a comeback through single post or whether I am gonna start writing frequently again but I do know one thing. I wanna write today.

I have written here before about someone. For those of you who have not read it, I request you to go read this post-http://mytimes-prateek.blogspot.com/2010/03/yet-another-blog-post.html

The 4 most beautiful days in my life were 11-14 Feb 2010. Yes I had had the day where I had gotten admitted into IIMC on 10 April 2009 but even that did not compare to what I felt in those 4 days. I have this strange definition of happiness in my head and for once, I experienced it.

She was perfect in my eyes. I remember not noticing her in college for the first few months when everyone did. But I also remember 3rd December 2009 when I talked to her for the first time. It was regarding a change in marks in a small 10 mark quiz that we had had. I fought with her over half a mark. After 2 minutes of convincing her I knew that she was not gonna relent and increase my marks. But I still kept pushing for a good 10 minutes just to be able to talk to her. I promised myself that day that I was gonna talk to her again. And soon.

That promise I kept.11 December 2009 and I did go and ask her out. She kept refusing but I guess once you hear a no, you sort of think that it couldnt get worse and you keep trying. Thats what I did and this time she did relent. 2nd Jan 2010 she said. Great beginning to the new year I thought.

It came to 31 December and I called her to ask her about the time and place. She said that she wont be comfortable and that we shouldnt go. I slept at 12.15 on new years eve that day.Anyway that story came to a rest for close to 20 days.

Cut to late January and I wrote her a mail apologising for me being pushy before. I also told her that if a friend was what she was looking for at this time, I was ready to be that. She responded and hence started a chain of mails where we talked about everything. This led to messaging and finally phone calls. We talked about everything in those phone calls. Everything!This happened during 11-14 Feb. Unfortunately things soured after that. Most of it was my doing really. I couldnt really understand what she wanted and that is why I couldnt give her that. Instead I tried giving her something that she didnt want and hence the inevitable happened.

We havent talked for exactly 3 months now(If you dont count a 28 line chat on gtalk). Today somehow I came to know that she is going to be engaged soon. And married at the end of the year. I do not know what to feel at this point. Here I was thinking that having come back, I would go talk to her again and offer her what she really needed. And getting scared thinking about how I was gonna start. I do not think it should be a big problem now. I can start by congratulating her.

I am kinda a believer now in the phrase-"Every cloud has a silver lining." God knows how I would have reacted had something happened between us and I had then come to know that she was getting married according to the wishes of her parents. I do not exactly know whether I should feel happy or sad. But I do feel relieved. A big burden is off now and I do not need to be worried when I go talk to her next.

Anyway as before I wish her all the best in her professional and personal life and hope that she does get whatever she has always wanted to achieve. And I also ask God to please stop playing these games with me.

My 5 favourite films of all time

I would like to recount here the 5 best movies I believe I have seen.And its not like I am a big film buff.But still I do enjoy critically evaluating the ones I do manage to watch.I will give out my Hindi and English lists separately.So here are my top 5 English movies in no order-

1)50 First Dates(Adam Sandler,Drew Barrymore)

Current IMDB rating-6.8

Rotten tomatoes rating-44%

Strange as it may sound as it is not one of those movies that usually comes up on the 'classic films' list or on the favourites list for a lot of people.For me it is one of the best films I have ever seen.It is just the kind of movie that builds hope in one that true love does exist and reaffirms my faith that there is a beautiful love story out there for me as well.

2)The Shawshank Redemption(Tim Robbins,Morgan Freeman)

Current IMDB rating-9.2(Ranked No.1)

Rotten tomatoes rating-88%

I saw this flick after getting a lot of recommendations.And believe me it does take a lot of recommendations for me to watch a classic.But I absolutely loved this one.A story of hope and faith and how beautiful emotions they are.Whenever I am sad or depressed I watch the ending here and it helps me overcome these feelings.

3)A Walk to Remember(Shane West,Mandy Moore)

Current IMDB rating-7.1

Rotten tomatoes rating-28%

Another movie which is rated pretty lowly by critics for a combined RT rating of just 28%(28 good reviews out of 101).I am a sucker for these kind of romances.The transformation that one witnesses in the character of Landon in the movie after he discovers his true feelings for Mandy Moore's character makes it a great watch.

4)A Beautiful Mind(Russell Crowe,Jennifer Connelly)

Current IMDB rating-8.0

Rotten tomatoes rating-78%

Looks to me like my list moves on the extremes on Rotten Tomatoes.From 44 to 88 to 28 to 78.Haha.Anyway this movie is truly made great by one name and that is Russell Crowe.He enacted that role of the amazing John Nash brilliantly and I am still shocked as to why he did not win the Oscar that year.

5)Rocky 4(Sylvester Stallone)

Current IMDB rating-5.9

Rotten tomatoes rating-44%

I love the whole Rocky series.Never been a big action movie fan but this is different.It works on the same levels with me as TSR.This has been the most successful franchise in the Rocky series so far and I hold it closer than the other 5 parts due to it being the first movie that I saw from the franchise.

Just missed the list-Ghost

My top 5 Hindi movies again in no order are-

1)Andaz Apna Apna(Aamir Khan,Salman Khan,Raveena Tandon,Karishma Kapoor)

IMDB rating-8.4

The most howlarious movie ever.Each dialogue in this one is worth its weight in gold.One movie which knows that its a comedy,knows its job is to entertain and goes to the full extent while doing it.There isnt even one dull moment in this one and as far as I am concerned I can watch it 5 times in one day.I do not think that even the people associated with it realized what they were coming up with until they completed the film.It was a shame that it actually flopped in its time.

2)Gol Maal(Amol Palekar,Utpal Dutt,Bindiya Gowswami)

IMDB rating-8.6

Along with AAA,Hera Pheri and Jane bhi do Yaaron,I think this is the best comedy ever made in India.The story was so simple yet so complicated.It comprised of brilliant performances by all its actors and some really really funny dialogues make it immensely watchable.If you still havent checked it out,please do so on my recommendation.

3)Avtaar(Rajesh Khanna,Shabana Azmi)

IMDB rating-7.0

With the kind of movies I have been coming up with so far,I think people would be surprised that this movie appeals so much to me.I still have no idea why,I mean a lot of other movies have come on the same lines and I have not liked any of them.The story is pretty relatable and ahead of its time.

4)Masoom(Naseeruddin Shah,Shabana Azmi)

IMDB rating-8.4

The best movie on its theme(Read adultery) that has been made so far in India.With seasoned actors like Naseer and Shabana you expect amazing performances but both of them exceed themselves here.The performances of the child actors are amazing as well and one song in the movie is beautiful(Read Tujhse Naraaz Zindagi)

5)Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa(Shah Rukh Khan,Deepak Tijori,Suchitra Krishnamoorthi)

IMDB rating-7.7

This one is different from all the other 9 movies I have listed so far as in its probably the most relatable movie ever.I mean ok so I havent failed 3 times in a row or maybe I dont know how to write songs or play musical instruments still the emotions in the movie are so lifelike.This I think was the best performance of SRK ever and the kind of movies he should have continued doing.Unfortunately he has followed the popular but the less challenging path.

Just missed the list-Ankahee

So there it is.I have listed out all of my favourite films and would like to hear the same from you guys.Tell me if some of these movies make your list or not.Maybe there are recommendations you have for me after looking at my list.Whatever it is please let me know through comments.

A Facebook Group to carry this forward!

Just to inform everyone,me and a couple of my friends have created a Facebook group just to carry this initiative forward.So all of you guys who are on Facebook can join the group here-

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=120181764668387

The group is called Top CAT and we would be very regular with it.Join it and have fun preparing.